When I was fifteen, I slipped in a puddle of Nitric acid
that had spilled onto the roadway in
Of course when 90 proof Nitric Acid meets skin, usually the skin suffers second or third degree burns.
It did and I was hospitalized for the next eighteen months, in and out of hospital, getting skin grafts etc.
Two good things came from that mishap.
Firstly, the RNZAF (Royal New Zealand Air Force) to whom I had applied as a cadet flying
officer, turned me down for medical reasons. (Think about it,
The second good thing was the timing of the incident. It occurred in November, just two weeks before exam time.
Father Minto, St. Patrick’s College Rector came to visit me, (in a “burn room”, no visitors without gowns and facemasks; my hands were covered in glycerine gauze) and ask if I wanted to take the exam in hospital, so I told him that I needed someone to do the written part for me as I couldn’t even hold cutlery to feed myself.
Consequently I didn’t have to sit my University entrance examinations thanks to a new phrase that was then introduced into my vocabulary, “aggregate pass”. I liked those words, they meant that my exam results would be assessed on the basis of handed in assignments during the year.
(It was a bit worrying at first, as I considered my cavalier responses to some of my homework assignments but as nurse JJ said to me later, “Who the hell would dare to fail a young man that had received severe nitric acid burns?” )
She was right, now I had my UE (SAT or “A” levels) and all I needed to do was find a university that would take a hospitalized 15 year old.
Which was rather easy really because I was already doing elective
classical literature at
As I received “going out” privileges at the hospital, I got interested in the legal case that was being mounted on my behalf by the venerable and extremely talented Mr. Arndt. He was suing the Wharfies, the stevedoring company, the trucking company and anyone else he could find.
I decided that I would study to be a lawyer.
My father of course, had different ideas. Accountancy is the name of the game son. Lawyers merely trade insults, but accountants build real wealth.
We compromised and it was decided that I would read for economics.
After all, economists used to tell Prime Ministers what to do. I guessed that was almost as good as flying a Phantom F4.
Fast Forward, to two Thursday’s ago at a Rotary formational dinner being held at the Oatleigh Bowls Club, in honour of the departing and incoming Vietnamese Trade Commissioners.
We all had to stand up and introduce ourselves. I stood up, and said, Hi, My name is Tom and until the Global Financial Crisis I used to be an economist.
The cliché received the mandatory laugh.
What really bothered is that when the barristers and lawyers arose, no-one laughed.
Hey what about the famous “1001 things to do with a lawyer?
Obviously, lawyers have more community respect than economists. Maybe it’s just me…
That brings me to the topic of today’s blog.
I was in court today, pretending that I was a lawyer.
Registrar, I have just taken over this matter from the firm of previous solicitors…
"Mr. Koltai, are you not the plaintiff?"
"Yes sir, I am, however this is a small matter not exceeding fifty thousand and yet my solicitors tell me it’s an extremely complicated case that required me to put ten thousand on deposit with them for barristers fees.
On top of the twenty thousand they’ve already billed me, it would appear your honour that this matter can no longer afford the luxury of legal representation."
"It’s complicated your honour, because they sued only the principle of the firm instead of the firm and the principal."
"Therefore today, by consent, I am requesting leave to file an amended statement of claim which will take me about a week to ten days your honour and the other side would like fourteen days to reply, so we would expect a date in about a….."
"Five weeks Mr. Koltai. Will that be sufficient?"
"Thank-you your honour."
Boy this lawyer stuff is easy…..
Just then a voice on my left piped up, “We would reserve costs registrar” said the solicitor for the other side.
Costs? What’s this costs business?
Even when I ain’t paying solicitors someone is talking about costs.
I’ll have to look into this lawyer business a bit more. Maybe one could make a good living out of this.
So where did today’s article title come from?
“You’re Either Rich Enough to Afford the Law or You’re a Complete Outlaw.”
Watch the Trailer.
Copyright Criminals.
Another Remix film hits the theaters this month. Telling the tale of how the content industry that made a fortune out of “re-sampling” is now going after the re-sampling criminals.
Hmmm. Copyright Lawyers. Now there’s something that is worthwhile becoming.
Sue everyone. Keep all the money and still be the hero.
OK.
Sue everyone, keep most of the money apart from the political donations and still be the hero.
I wish my dad had told me about copyright in 1973.
N.B. It’s not available to Aussies yet. So I guess you’ll just have to watch the trailer over and over again.
Well boys and girls, to make you feel right at home, we have included today a special cutout logo to printout and paste onto the bottom right corner of your TV screen.
There, doesn’t that make the repeating trailer palatable?
